Arranged Marriage --- Chapter-1 … First Meeting

Love Marriages …A lot has been written about these time and again ...boy meets girl, love at first sight, parental opposition, triumph against odds, blah blah  ...the clichéd stories & outcomes!

Let's spare a thought for an age-old institution of Arranged Marriages….Like every ancient stuff, these too have undergone a world of change from yester years. Gone are the days where parents used to arrange the match and the boy n girl get hitched. Well, today there is a complete makeover ....it's quite quirky, fascinating, practical and at times quite funny too.

An arranged marriage is not the diktat it once was. It has evolved over the years into a meeting of mutual consent between both parties.  My parents, products of an arranged marriage, had outlined the same process for me as well.   As parents, their pressures are too many  ...education, raise the child to be independent and self-sufficient. And now to get married was their last major responsibility. I understand their thought process and wouldn't want to be disrespectful. However, I did make my intentions clear with regards to my expectations so that their search gets refined to that extent. There were instances where some cases were knocked off just by casual browse, some after a first meet – reasons vary -  unmatched expectations, wavelength incompatibility, height issues - the long & short of it!

So now, there was this girl, Shruti, whom they had set up for me to meet, pointing out that they had met all the criteria on my wish list. An engineer, pleasant looking, great academics and a  good job. Well, no reason to avoid the meet.

Where do I meet her?  My Dad shares her number,  expecting me to fix up the meet and diligently follows up for the next 2 days if I had asked the girl to meet up. The stern look on my Dad’s face and I knew I had to do the obvious.

Refreshed WhatsApp, pleasantly surprised that she didn’t look like a geek in the DP.  Good, she’s online. I ping …Hi, Rahul here, if you are free can we meet up tomorrow?

She replies after a while “ I have a seminar in the morning, can meet you post that .”  A couple of texts and we decided to meet at a Mall close to her place

Cool, Let's go with the flow, I thought.

As I was getting ready to see her, there were quite a few funny scenes happening at home ...

Just as when we used to have an inspection in school, Mom would ensure that the shirt is white and crisply ironed, fuss over the look, hair, etc. Today, the scene is no different  ...with some minor changes !  the school uniform is replaced with the formal shirt, shorts replaced Jeans, oil swap places with Hair Clay. During my College days and even now, if had to tell her that I am meeting a girl, there would be a ruckus at home. Mind you, I can’t even use the word “ DATE “, very typical of orthodox middle class south Indian homes. And today, I am being fussed over to get ready to meet up a girl with some worldly gyaan thrown in ample measure.  Some perks of Arranged Marriages, I think! (Ladki ka chakkar babu bhai ladki ka chakkar)

Mom  would say all the best for the exams and here it was like, Speak properly , don’t ask too many awkward questions and of course Behave ;)  I wanted to tell her I am all what you taught me, so I would behave the same way, but in the larger interests of peace in the house, I chose  the wise option, to keep mum.

I have always been a good conversationalist, but this felt like a life exam.   If it was an academic exam I would top but here I had no control over the results!  I usually operate on a 1 & 0 funda. Like if the I had to answer any exam question, it would have been simple viz sin0/cos0=1. Here is an unknown variable (girl) from an out of syllabus paper - Not my comfort territory at all! The unknown variable is so important to get the Whole life equation correct !!

Well, The D Day arrives ..I am at the mall, just in time. No calls, pings from her, has she reached? I wonder. At the exact moment, her message “ I am at the Food Court “

She indicates where she was waiting, easily spotted her and waved. As she smiled back and walked towards me, I noticed her wavy hair, jeans n a white kurta.

Simple n casual I noted. Her dimples & Specs seemed to add on to her persona...

Some more chats and it's time for coffee.  I offer to get it , cappuccino with a heart for the lady,.Espressofor yours truly Glint in her eyes didn't escape me as I handed over her coffee with a heart  Initial moments where our eyes roamed over the people at the Food court, just at some exact moments our eyes met, no conversation at all .. just silent glances.

Strangely, we were quite comfortable chatting up.  I realized that my sugarless coffee seemed quite ok in the liveliness and storytelling thru the sips of coffee... With disarming honesty, she indicated that she wanted to pursue a Ph.D. and get her doctorate. Even though our work fields were diverse the talks seemed interesting.  Some more talks & info sharing about work, studies, hobbies, what do we expect from marriage and some generic talks, etc.  I was actually enjoying myself.  She was so easy going and endearing. All that standard 21 sets like questions went for a toss and the conversation was going seriously sideways.

It was time to warp up the meet, I asked her if she needs a drop as I had got my car. She said it was ok, she would take an auto home . We parted ways – She walked out of the mall & me to the car park. Should I have insisted to drop her off, I wondered as I put in the keys to start the car. My cell beeped, it was a call from her. Surprised, I asked her if everything was fine .. she asked me as to where I was and she needed to share the money for the coffee.  I was amazed at it and told her it's ok, you could do that in the next meet.  She insisted I wait as I  saw her walking towards the car waving out to me.
With that brilliant smile of hers, she handed over a couple of notes and said: “  it's only fair that we split the bill “. I waited till she got into a rick and then drove home .

It was summer at its peak

Our very first meet ….

First initial reaction , must say

Was very very Sweet!

At first, there was too much confusion

Slowly our thoughts were in Fusion ….

We chatted happily at the coffee shop

Till it was time for the home drop!

On my way back, there was a feel-good factor about the meet, chilled out kind of feel. But to decide the rest of my life based on one meeting seemed ok !?

What about her? Does she feel the same? What would be her thoughts?  What would be the result here and the scores, of course! At least at the end of an exam, we are sure of the result, but here after the first meeting, we are not sure if the results would be conveyed either. 

And what was it about sharing the coffee bill..is it her inherent nature to do that, or maybe she doesn't want to meet again? The thought kept twirling in my mind.

So, what will be her response – Yes or a No!



If it’s a Yes, you guys will sure hear from us in the next part. Stay tuned.



And if the response is not a Yes  -  well as SRK says, filmon ki tarah hamari zindagi mein bhi end tak sab theek hi ho jaata hai. Happys Endings. Aur agar theek naa ho toh woh ‘The End’ nahi. Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.”



Stay connected.


Friends, Just bouncing off a thought -  when you are reaching the end of your arranged marriage first meeting, should you be asking the person about what he/she thinks of you ?. It may seem awkward to do so but it is one of the best ways of getting some sort of feedback for taking the next step?



Do share your thoughts below in the comments.